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June 16, 2014 / Andee Frizzell

Inner Thoughts

toasterExcerpt from an actual conversation had this morning.

“You know, if you hover over the toaster like that, it’ll take forever for that bagel to brown,” Jack said as he wandered into the kitchen, Yoda-like, spilling pearls of wisdom.

“I wasn’t watching the toast brown. I was imagining what would happen to my body if I stuck a knife into the toaster and electrocuted myself,” I replied nonchalantly.


I looked up and saw that Jack was staring at me with the ‘look’, the look that translates to ‘WTF are you on about’? A look I’ve become very familiar with. I knew further explanation was in order.

“Don’t you ever wonder what would happen if say… you jumped off a 50 story balcony? What shape your brains paint on the sidewalk below?”


“Drove your car into oncoming traffic?”


“Stuck the sharp end of a pair of scissors into your eye?” I asked hopefully. I thought for sure this one would get a nod but it was met with the same dumbstruck silence.

A new look began to form on his face; it read something like this, No.No!No!! NEVER!!! What the hell is wrong with you?

“I’m not saying I’m compelled to follow through with these thoughts or that I have some impulse urge to self destruct, but I often imagine what would happen if I…” my voice trailed off as I became fully aware of the fact that he had truly never, not ever contemplated jumping onto the subway tracks or impaling himself with a kitchen spatula, thoughts that often occupy hours of my day.

The bagel popped, drawing us out of our separate ravines.

“From now on, I make breakfast,” Jack said as he carefully took the butter knife out of my hand.

What? Was it something I said?


One Comment

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  1. arcticgoddess / Jun 18 2014 7:52 am

    Hey…getting someone to cook for you isn’t half bad. I’d say you just won that conversation.

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