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August 26, 2013 / Andee Frizzell

The Ex

fairThe Canadian National Exhibition, referred to as the EX, is in Toronto right now.  For those of you unfamiliar with the awesomeness of the EX, it’s an annual summer exhibition consisting of concerts, carnival rides, a showcase of ‘Seen Only On TV’ vendors hawking wares like the ‘ShamWow’ and ‘fair food’ (which this year turned out to be as dangerous as the rides for some folks).

Some people are haters, too cool to enjoy the nostalgia of an old school amusement park; of the ilk that heckle comedians, explain how the magician did it and always roll their eyes and scoff during the kissing scenes in romantic movies.

I am not one of these people, I LOVE amusement parks. Concerts by Frankie Avalon, The Beach Boys, the Loop-the-Loop ride, the Sticky Buddy, Super Dogs, Deep-fried Mars Bars!!! The list of wonders is endless!

I love the permanent parks, the travelling exhibitions and the themed events like ‘Fright Nights’ held every Halloween on the fair grounds out west.

The last ‘Fright Nights’ I attended I was on date. Date three to be exact with a 6’6, professional beach volleyball player named Doug.

We ate our way along the fair food alley, enjoying butter drenched corn on the cob, cinnamon sprinkled mini doughnuts and cloud sized spools of cotton candy. At the shooting range in the arcade, Doug had won for me a 3ft stuffed Stewie Griffin doll, I was in heaven..

We rode the 100 year old wooden roller coaster and at the steepest part, Doug let go of the safety bar throwing his arms up and screaming ‘whoohooo’ all the way down (a very endearing quality, shameless participation) and nearing the end of the night I suggested we take a walk through the haunted house.

As we drew closer to the spooky pavilion, Doug got very quiet.

“You’re not scared are you?” I teased.

“No, no of course not.” But to my surprise he didn’t sound very convincing.

As we entered the first door and everything grew very dark I could feel Doug snuggling closer to me as we walked. How romantic I thought, he wants to protect me from any unforeseen dangers.

How wrong I was.

Suddenly from behind door number two, an underpaid showie dressed like a witch leapt out at us.

Startled, Doug grabbed me by the arm and literally shoved me in between himself and the costumed ghoul.

For the remaining 5 minute walk through the narrow corridor, Doug held me out in front of himself like a battering ram.

DEAL BREAKER: when a potential mate uses you as a human shield

For me now, the EX, holds a whole different meaning.


One Comment

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  1. arcticgoddess / Aug 26 2013 7:43 pm

    Well, he WAS taller than you….That had to be one thing in his favour. You do have an interesting life.

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