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December 24, 2012 / Andee Frizzell

2013?

the end is nearI have a picture of two billboards side by side. The first billboard is an ad for the TELUS Phone Company which reads ‘The Future is Friendly’ and right beside it is a billboard poster for the movie 2012, which by the promotional ad, doesn’t look all that friendly to me.

The picture got me thinking about the last ‘end the world’ scenario I survived. Remember, Y2K?

At that time, I was living in South Beach Miami. No sooner had the winds of Opal, (a massive hurricane for which we had been evacuated) died down then the mass media latched itself to Y2K. Everywhere you looked, signs with warnings dominated the senses; ARE YOU READY? Are you ready for every convenience known to you to stop working? Ready for anarchy?

I wasn’t ready. I HATE camping. I pay rent so I don’t ever have to camp. Lighting fires is designated to scented candles to set the mood, not cook food and besides that, I can’t make an edible meal using state of the art appliances let alone twigs and a skillet. Forging? Hunting? Gathering? I’ve watched The Road. Scavenging for bugs and walking all day? To quote John Pinette, the comedian, “I say Nay-nay.” It would be Charlize Theron and I having a pint in our bikinis on a snow drift. (Unless you’ve seen the movie, this will mean nothing to you)

I’m NOT a survivor and I am content with that. If I can’t order food delivery, get a pedicure on Saturdays and wipe my ass with three ply toilet paper, its game over.

Armed with this self awareness I figured I wanted to be in the first wave of causalities in the upcoming Y2K apocalypse. I went to the library on Ocean Dr and researched which place on earth would turn the millennium first.  It turned out it was the Republic of Kiribati, (fucking where?) Exactly! So I opted for New Zealand which was close enough to Kiribati and I could pronounce it.

I purchased a ticket for Auckland and bought a motorcycle over the internet. There was a RAVE called ‘The Gatherin,’ in Dunedin (a town on the south island of NZ). I bought myself a ticket.

I left for New Zealand in October 1999. I spent an amazing three months travelling through the country and on New Year’s Eve, I gathered on a beach, around a huge bonfire, with a few thousand people, to welcome in the new millennium and our possible demise. As it turned out, Y2K was anticlimactic.

Now it’s 2012 and the predictions for doomsday are back.

I’m booking my trip to Yellowstone National Park for the holidays, just in case.

Happy 2013 Peeps! We made it!!

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