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October 22, 2012 / Andee Frizzell

The Sound of Silence

This is the BEST, WORST date story ever! A few years back a good friend of mine told me this tale. I haven’t embellished a word of it. This is the story exactly as it was told to me.

My friend Randle, an actor, had met a brunette beauty during a local charity function. They flirted over cosmos and at the end of the night, he asked for her number. They agreed to have dinner later in week.

Prior to the day, Randle asked his date if she had a favorite restaurant she would like to go to. (Author’s note: this is the Art of Wooing) She said her favorite restaurant was the Indian Oven which served authentic, delicious delicacies from India and she just loved the food. Randle was not a fan of Indian cuisine but he was determined to impress.

They had a delightful meal with great conversation, witty banter and they discovered they had many common interests and passions. The date was pure triumph.

The young woman then asked Randle up to her apartment for a night cap. He accepted, gleefully.

The candles flickered, the red wine was full bodied and the jazz music created a sensual ambiance. As they continued their conversation, Randle’s stomach started to gurgle. Randle’s aversion to Indian food was that it gave him monstrous gas, but like a dating trooper, he was intent on NOT disrupting the mood. After about twenty minutes though, he felt he was going to burst, he excused himself and asked for the location of her bathroom.

“It’s right there.” She replied, gesturing to the door directly across from the couch they were nestled upon.

Randle looked at the thin door as he slowly closed it behind himself. FUCK he thought. She’ll hear everything. Looking around the small facility, he noticed her matching decorative hand towels hanging beside the sink. Desperate, Randle took down one of the hand towels and rolled it into a tube to create a silencer. He opened his pants, dropped them to his knees and wedged the hand towel between his butt cheeks and let it… rip!!!

He squeezed his eyes shut and made gentle moaning sounds as the sensation of release cascaded over his whole body. He trembled with pleasure as the last of the toxic ass gas was expelled into the handy hand towel.

Suddenly, Randle felt another sensation; the sensation of being watched. He flung open his eyes only to THEN notice the tiny Loo had TWO doors. The one that led to the living room which he had closed behind him and the other one….that led to his date’s bedroom…which he hadn’t closed and which stood wide open. The door had a full length mirror attached to it and as it stood ajar, the mirror had reflected his image directly into the view of his date sitting on the couch.

“Her face was completely contorted….shocked….a grimace of horror.” Randle sighed.”I leaned over, shut the door and pulled up my pants. After a few deep breaths I just walked out of the bathroom and right out the front door. “

The turbulent winds of love….alas….

 

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2 Comments

Leave a Comment
  1. Chris / Oct 23 2012 6:41 pm

    I’ve read this before from when you told it another time, but it’s still just as hilarious! LMAO!

  2. Kristen / Nov 1 2012 4:26 pm

    I laughed SO hard reading this! Oh, the poor guy.

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