Skip to content
September 24, 2012 / Andee Frizzell

A Trip to Ikea

I am continuously ‘volunteered’ to drive everyone and anyone to Ikea because I have a truck. Jordan had started seeing a new guy about six months ago and went AWOL, (absent without official leave) and when she asked for a ride to Ikea to buy a new planter pot set, I figured it was a chance to get caught up.

As we sped out to Port Coquitlam, Jordan gave me the Cole’s notes version of her mating utopia; all the while I noticed she frequently, scratched her crotch.

Me: “Dude? Do you have crabs or something?” I asked with concern, I had just used the toilet at her place before we left.

Jordan: “No.” she sighed. “I’m growing out my pubic hair and it’s itchy as all hell.”

As long as I’ve known Jordan, she’s been suffering the Brazilian wax, like the rest of us and after nearly twenty years she was deciding to go all natural. I wanted to know why the sudden change for the wild side.

Jordan: “Glen, (her new main squeeze), asked me to grow it out into a little rectangle in the front.” Something she is sure he saw on a dancer in a strip bar.

Me: “And now it itches constantly, that’s waaaay sexier.”

Jordan: “That’s not the main problem.” she added.”I guess after years of waxing the hair doesn’t all grow back.  It won’t fill in properly. It’s all… patchy.”

Me: “It’s like you have a Chernobyl beaver.”

Jordan: “Each month the little hair patches get longer so I’ve had to start combing them over the empty spots. It’s more like I’ve got a va-jay-jay comb over.”

I laughed out loud at the thought of her using one of those tiny mustache combs to contour a hairstyle that would conceal her bald spots.

I wonder is there such a thing as a beev weave?

Advertisements

6 Comments

Leave a Comment
  1. Chris / Sep 24 2012 4:55 pm

    lol at least she didn’t have crabs :p

  2. Carolyn woods / Sep 24 2012 9:39 pm

    OMG! Andre…that is too flippin funny! I laughed so hard I think I peed myself!

    • Carolyn woods / Sep 24 2012 9:40 pm

      Andee

  3. eugene / Sep 25 2012 1:45 pm

    I feel a little odd thelling you about Merkins. Look it up.

  4. Andee / Sep 26 2012 4:41 pm

    Now this is a perfect example of why I started a blog. Get people talking and learn something new!! Thx G for your comment. I googled merkin and WOW! I now know what to get Jordon for x-mas!! My only question is how do YOU know about merkins? Lol

  5. Colin / Oct 1 2012 5:19 pm

    Oh dear god! That is fricken funny, almost as funny as the Scary movie!!!!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: