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August 22, 2012 / Andee Frizzell

A Friendly Shoulder to Cry On

My girlfriend called me last week complaining about the city posting a stop work order on the renovations her and her husband were having done to the basement suite of their house.

She was exhausted by it all. They had been in house ‘reno’ hell for almost three years now and were just starting the last phase of the project when some neighbor hood ‘not too busy’ to rat you out called the city to complain about the refuse bin on the street. I write all of this without humor. If any of you have ever attempted DIY home up grades, you know, it’s no laughing matter. Divorce, alcohol abuse and murder are suddenly considered viable solutions to the insurmountable problems.

Once the city permitted themselves to evaluate the house and property, they found and or made up (based on who you ask) hundreds of violations and made it rain like a gangster in a strip club with citations. My friends were overwhelmed and totally out of their minds with worry about impending fines, sky rocketing costs and having their basement half pinned compounding the fear their house would start to tilt to the right with the littlest provocation.

My girlfriend called me to vent. I was all ears.

Excerpt from that conversation

Laura : “So, the city said that our back veranda was over the property line boundary and we would have to approach each of our neighbors with a petition stating that they are aware of the size of the patio and that they are ok with it.”

Me: “So the city has said you have a big deck.”

Laura: “Yes, well that my husband has a big deck.” (She refers to the deck as belonging to her husband as he had built it prior to their marriage ergo his problem.)

Me: “Your husband’s deck is too big?”

Laura: “Yes. Are you even listening to me? My husband’s deck is too big and now I have to solicit my neighbors to sign a petition saying that they are ok with the size of my husband’s deck.”

Me: “So, let me get this right. You have to go around your neighborhood asking your neighbors if they are bothered by the size of your husband’s deck? If they don’t mind your husband’s big deck they can sign a paper stating the fact. Perhaps, you should tell them that if they don’t mind the size of your husband’s big deck, that during the summer months they could come over and take a load off on your husband’s big deck?”

Laura: “Why do you keep repeating, husbands big deck? I swear Andee…(silence as it dawns on her)…You’re an asshole.” Click…dial tone…

I’m an asshole? She called me, a perpetually single gal, to brag about her husband’s big deck. I think she’s being the asshole.

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4 Comments

Leave a Comment
  1. Kirsty MacTavish / Sep 7 2012 5:27 pm

    Hahahahahahahaha that was awesome!!!! Give me more stories!

  2. Carolyn Woods / Sep 10 2012 1:06 am

    LOL! LOL! LOL! You are hilarious…almost peed myself. Ha Ha

  3. Chris / Sep 19 2012 6:09 pm

    LOL! Innuendos rule! 😀

  4. erikavanbriel / Oct 5 2012 8:05 pm

    Hilarious was also the first thing on my mind! Andee you make me laugh! Thank you!

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